Describe before deciding
Name what happened without attaching a character judgment.
Leadership Library
Better Questions
Improve the information behind the next decision.
A first interpretation can be useful, but it is rarely complete. A question that looks for context, strengths, barriers, and exceptions gives a family or team more ways to move forward.
Four moves to try
Look for context
Ask what preceded the difficulty and when the pattern changes.
Invite the person's view
Ask what feels hard, what has helped, and what would make the next step possible.
Choose a useful response
Match support and accountability to what the fuller picture reveals.
How it might sound
Younger child
A child stops a task. Ask what part feels hard and whether one small start would help.
Teenager
A teen misses an agreed check-in. Ask what got in the way, then agree on a clear plan for next time.
Coach the caregiver
Ask the caregiver to replace one assumption with a question they can ask without blame.
Try it this week
Take one recurring label and rewrite it as an observation. Ask two questions that could change your understanding.
Reflection
Which question am I asking most often, and what might it prevent me from seeing?
Safety and practice: Curiosity does not delay immediate safety action or remove reasonable limits.
Download the one-page takeaway (PDF)